Posts in Pregnancy & Infant Loss
Roman's Mom

It’s Mother’s Day today. For most of my Mother’s Days, I’ve found it to be more of a sad day than a happy one. Of course, I am grateful for the kids I have and this life of motherhood. But days like today tend to remind me more of the one who I don’t get to mother my son Roman. I’ve only held him once, for just a few short hours. When I held him, it felt like he was with us, just asleep in my arms, just as any newborn would be. But as the hours went on, and he never cried out for me, never yawned and stretched, and his body became noticebly colder in my arms, reality quickly settled back in, and the pain would wash over me again. I desperately wished to be able to mother him in those moments (and every moment since). The truth is, while I am forever Roman’s mom, I will never have the opportunity to mother Roman.

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Roman Xavi - 4 Years Old

I have written a lot of birthday posts over the past two months (fun fact, 5 out of our 6 kids’ due dates were within a month span! ). And today is our son Roman’s 4th heavenly birthday. Sometimes it feels extra tough to have his birthday fall right in the middle of the holidays and the majority of our family’s birthdays. It’s such a season of celebration in our house, and yet, we have the most profound grief right at the forefront of our minds.

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Aisley's Story

Aisley Jo  - 01.27.2019

2018 was a big year.  I married the love of my life, Klayton, in October; with that, my 9 year old son and I gained an amazing family.  Right away, my husband and I discussed growing our family, we both agreed that we wanted to do that, and being in our late 30's, we should go ahead and try.  By the first of November 2018, we were elated to see those two little pink lines show up on a pregnancy test.  We were over the moon with excitement and in a little bit of shock. 

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James' Story

It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years already. Four years since our world was shaken. 

This past August marks four years since our little family welcomed a new addition- one we had eagerly awaited and prayed for, for so long. And instead of snuggling him in my bed, I was on my knees in the hospital bathroom, with my head to the cold floor, begging God to spare our son. It was not supposed to end this way. This was not what I had imagined six months before when I first saw those two pink lines. 

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Holly's Story

To Brooke’s Blog Readers,

Brooke kindly asked me to share my story in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (Oct 15th). I lost my daughter Hollyday (Holly) on May 20th, 2017 at almost 34 weeks gestation. In the immediate aftermath, I desperately needed to hear other people’s stories and learn how they processed their grief. I wanted to know how they moved forward after a stillbirth. The openness and vulnerability of the parents I found was hugely beneficial to me. In turn, I feel compelled to share my experience in the hope that it helps other families going through this same loss. 

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Scattered Thoughts of Roman

Roman has been on my mind so much the last few weeks. Well, that is more so than normal. I usually think about him on a daily basis, but lately its been all consuming; everything reminds me of him. Sometimes the thoughts are sweet moments, as Fynn tells Jackson about his other brother, and sometimes the pain and heartache threatens to overwhelm me.

I’ve decided that I will just start writing some short posts, as these moments and thoughts come to me…

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Roman's First Birthday

Roman spent his first birthday in Heaven on November 27th this year. The days and weeks leading up to this day were increasingly hard. Instead of prepping, planning, and choosing a theme for my son’s first birthday party, we were trying to decide how to meaningfully honor him on a blustery Tuesday morning. What sort of traditions would we want to set in place, knowing that we will continue these until our last days?

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